Day: June 17, 2021

I went looking for myself
In all the usual places,
The bedroom, the kitchen,
The garage, the front porch,
That corner of the living room,
With the ragged chair and tarnished lamp,
Where I read a book or just sit,
And think about things that
May or may not matter.
Who can tell?

I called my name but got no answer,
I looked for clues–a dropped sock,
A toothpaste tube uncapped,
A coffee spill on the counter,
A magazine open to an article
About blind people who believe
They can see. You might say they’re crazy
But it makes perfect sense to me.
What is any belief, but atoms
Racing willy-nilly through the
Snarls of the mind?

I dialed a number for the police department.
But there was an invisible crowd in front of me,
Willing to wait hours to complain
Of noisy neighbors, of stolen bicycles,
Of dogs and cats acting suspiciously.
I decided to hang up and call 911.
Wasn’t my missing state an emergency?
I imagined the conversation.
Was this missing person kidnapped?
Do you have reason to believe this person is
In imminent danger? The tone unkind,
Even hostile, making me feel bad
For the rest of the day, perhaps longer.

I decided to go in person.
There was a counter and a woman
In uniform who looked bored or indifferent
Or both. I told her I wanted to report a missing person,
And she gave me that look that police give you,
Making you want to blurt out a confession,
Whether you’ve done anything or not.
She took her time finding a form
And a pen. She arranged them in front of her.
Your name? she asked.

Why did she need to know that?
But I was trained to obey authority,
And I told her, along with my address and telephone number,
Facts that could used against me,
Although I didn’t know exactly how.

The name of the missing person? she asked.
I told her, and she started to write then stopped.
That’s the same name, she said.
I agreed. She said, you and this missing person
Have the same name?
Yes, I said, I’m the missing person.
I could tell from her expression
That she was trying very hard
To mentally process the situation
That had developed, no doubt unexpectedly,
Relieving her boredom, transcending the typical
Idiocy and depravity.

I waited for her to tell me to go away,
Or threaten to arrest me on some charge,
Related to wasting a law enforcement officer’s time.
But she didn’t. She studied her form, then asked,
How long have you been missing?