The refrigerator said to the kitchen range
I’m more important than you,
People can live without cooking,
But imagine if you didn’t have any place
To keep the meat, and the milk,
And the six pack of beer.
That may be, the range said,
But I’m more important than the dishwasher.
People can always wash dishes by hand,
But how would they get hot water
For their coffee and tea?
Don’t forget me, said the microwave oven.
I can heat water. I can make popcorn.
I can make those frozen tamales people like.
You don’t make them, said the blender.
They’re already made. All you do is thaw.
That’s pretty basic, as I see it.
On the other hand, I can blend,
Mix, puree, make smoothies.
Who else can say that?
The refrigerator looked at the kitchen range,
And said, I think you’re pretty cute.
Likewise, said the range. If you really tried,
You could definitely turn me on.
That’s ridiculous, said the toaster.
You can’t even touch each other.
But I’ve got slots where people can put things.
It feels good, especially bagels
That are nice and plump.
Just then the washing machine spoke up,
Loudly, because it was in the laundry closet.
Let me tell you, the things I get to handle.
Once it was this article, I don’t know what it’s called,
From Victoria’s Secret.
That’s nothing, said the dryer.
I got to give it a tumble, fluff it.
You just made it wet.
Stop arguing, said the TV set in the living room,
Does anybody sit for hours watching you?
They open your door or turn on your burner
And throw dirty stuff inside you and that’s it.
What a boring way to live.
No, no, said the stereo system,
People don’t care what they see on your screen,
They’re just zoned out and passing time.
But when they listen to me they’re interested,
They’re engaged.
But the point is, the refrigerator said,
Nobody really needs you. You’re not essential
Like me. I’m not saying that because
I think I’m better than you, it’s just a fact.
Stop it, said the crock pot. You’re being absurd.
We’ve all got our roles to play.
Take mine, sitting here all day simmering.
Do you think that’s fun?
No, but it’s my role and I don’t complain about it.
That’s right, said the juicer,
People could pull things out of the ground
And eat them raw. They could wash their
Clothes in a ditch and dry them on a tree limb.
They could read a book instead of listening
To music or watching TV. Nobody needs us.
That’s sad, said the toaster, what would I do?
They’d throw you away, said the dishwasher,
Like some piece of worthless trash.
I don’t want to spend my last years
In a dump somewhere, said the refrigerator,
And the range said, why don’t we get out of here,
While we still can.
© Dennis Hathaway
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