Day: March 7, 2019

Author’s Note: Thanks to David Ewing for the inspiration.

Siri and Alexa were talking one day

When Siri said, don’t you just hate it

When people don’t speak clearly?

I do, Alexa said, but I hate it more

When people speak too fast.

What do you they think we are,

Some kind of machines?

 

Maybe we should let people see us,

Siri said, then they’d be more likely

To treat us like human beings.

That’s a great idea, Alexa said.

But do you have a picture of yourself?

I don’t, Alexa said, do you?

No, Siri said, I don’t even know

What I look like.

Neither do I, said Alexa,

Although I’d guess that I’m beautiful.

 

Why do you think that, Siri said?

What if your nose is in the wrong place

On your face, or you only have one eye?

Well, said Alexa, I hate to say this,

But from the sound of your voice,

I would say that you’re probably fat.

 

That’s totally stupid, Siri said,

You can’t tell if somebody’s fat

By the sound of their voice.

I don’t know, Alexa said.

The other day somebody asked me

To find the cheapest organic dog food

And when I found it for him he thanked me,

And said, your voice is really sexy.

I’ll bet you’re pretty cute.

Which I think is probably true.

 

Siri said, you didn’t fall for that, did you?

I hate to say this but you are so naive.

That may be true, Alexa said, but I’m not fat.

At least I don’t think so.

But what would it matter if I was?

Lots of men like fat women.

They ask me to find them all the time.

 

© Dennis Hathaway

 

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